A Sad Happy Time

My little baby sister, Tanya, graduated from high school last weekend.

I remember when Desha and I talked over Tanya's crib soon after she was born, thinking how old we would all be when Tanya would graduate from high school. Dad would almost be 60! and Desha would be 30! and we would both probably be married and have kids.

Now that Tauni has actually graduated, it's amazing to think how time has gone by. To me, she is still a sweet little toddler running around the house with her long curls, dimples and pitterpatter feet, pestering me during my homework, "Sarah! Let's play house again!"

When I talk to her on the phone or mention her to other people, I instinctively picture that little sister. Even when I dream about her, she is an innocent, hazel-eyed six-year old. Not the tall, gorgeous, distant young adult that she is now.

I moved out of my parents home over 8 years ago, but I still haven't been able to accept or even face the fact that Tanya is no longer the little sister I used to have. Even if our relationship changes for the better, there will still never be a way to renew the precious times that only her and I shared in our youth. Times that even she seems to have forgotten. Gone are the days when she used to beg me to spin her around just one more time on the grass in the backyard. Gone is my little pal that I was forced to drag with me to all of my babysitting jobs. Gone is the pest that took my jewelry and dolls and got me blamed for everything. Gone are the cheers and hugs to see me every time I came home from school. Gone are the nights when she would sneak into my room to sleep with me when she was scared. Gone are the silly dances and songs, the crazy sleepouts on the trampoline, the tea parties and forts. My little friend is...gone.